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GED Test - Scraps & Stitches
justmej
justmej
justmej
GED Test
From my Sister-in law who works here - Education Specialist II. Illinois Office of Educational Services.

The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.



Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U.. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas

Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head


And they walk among us
12 comments or Leave a comment
Comments
vamysteryfan From: vamysteryfan Date: June 1st, 2010 06:50 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hilarious!

I love the major disease associated with cigarettes. I think it gets points.

Others make me root for the Darwin Awards.
justmej From: justmej Date: June 2nd, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC) (Link)
I loved this one I find it hard to believe that 16 year olds can be so dumb.

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
luiloth From: luiloth Date: June 1st, 2010 06:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm so glad my cup of tea is cold because after reading, "... dead sheep and canoeists", I laughed and spilled half down my shirt. Sticky.
justmej From: justmej Date: June 2nd, 2010 05:40 pm (UTC) (Link)
You really just had to laugh. Now if they were questions to a 10 year olds I could understand, But 16 year olds!
cross_stitchery From: cross_stitchery Date: June 1st, 2010 07:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

this explains a lot about US elections. and why you guys have so many of them :P
justmej From: justmej Date: June 2nd, 2010 05:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
I hadn't thought of it that way.
mairead027 From: mairead027 Date: June 1st, 2010 07:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
ohhh. I loves it.
justmej From: justmej Date: June 2nd, 2010 05:44 pm (UTC) (Link)
I thought they were pretty good as well.
bluewolf458 From: bluewolf458 Date: June 1st, 2010 08:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Reminds me of an essay a 12-year-old in one of my classes wrote, back in the early 60s. I don't remember the theme of the composition, but it was to write a story, and in it she had woodcutters chopping down trees... only they'd cut down the wrong ones so they chopped the trees up again.

It's a mistake to think that kids always know what things mean...
justmej From: justmej Date: June 2nd, 2010 05:43 pm (UTC) (Link)
12 year olds maybe. But 16 year olds.
buddhachic From: buddhachic Date: June 2nd, 2010 01:21 am (UTC) (Link)
I think I've met some of these childrens parents!!
Thanks for a very good chuckle!
justmej From: justmej Date: June 2nd, 2010 05:47 pm (UTC) (Link)
This one really got me going.

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

I think over the years I have met some of the parents as well
12 comments or Leave a comment